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The Social Connection-
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The Social Connection-
Making a Support Group Work in Your Community
by Diane Hopkins
(a talk given on Saturday, Aug 18, 2001 to the National LDS Homeschooling Organization convention)I am excited to talk to you about what you can do to make that important social connection for your homeschooled children and parents in your area. This isn't work, it is fun! And we constantly get a payback for our meager effort, because it makes such an enormous difference to people to have that social connection.
About 6 months ago, I started a LDS Homeschooling support group in my small town area. I named it "Homeschooling Friends" because that is my goal and hope for the group and I just began by putting a poster in some store and library windows and telling a very few homeschoolers in my town, and asking them to tell others. The poster said, "We meet every Friday between 11 and 1 o'clock for fun, friendship and activities". I had to make the commitment when I began that I would attend every single Friday get-together, because it takes a good 3 or 4 months for everyone to figure out that you are dependable and long lasting and are serious about what you are bragging to do : )! Friday is not the great of a day for me, but it is good for most homeschoolers because they have finished their school week and most of their church activities like Achievement Days, Cub Scouts, Young Men/Young Women and their kids are ready for a break. So I decided to modify my schedule and put in on Fridays.
I didn't start with a parent's meeting or a planning meeting. (How many LDS mothers need one more meeting to attend?) I started by just doing it, and letting them come see it happen, and it works out very well that way. If I had started with a planning meeting, it may never have gotten off the ground. The reason for this is that homeschoolers are a very independent lot. They are not used to making group decisions but rather choosing what they will do that is best for their own family. I knew my limitations and how much work I could put into it, and since I was the committed leader, I had to steer the ship in the way that I was able. Sometimes, when a planning meeting is in operation, those willing to do the work are directed around by those who have opinions but are not able or willing to do the work. By just starting with what I was able to do, I could give my full effort to the group without considering anyone's opinions and having to modify to please them. For example, I have to be home by 1:30 in the afternoon for naps. Even though many mothers prefer different times for our activities, since I am the one that is willing to do the work, I have to set the activity at a time that fits in my schedule. If we had held a planning meeting, and the group decided to put our activities on Saturday mornings, I wouldn't attend anymore.†
As our group has grown, we still have not had planning meetings. Some mothers have stepped forward on their own and offered to direct a play, or hold a Legos Club for boys, or other things. I am always eager and supportive, whenever anyone wants to take charge of an activity. But, if no one does, I still keep the regular schedule going with weekly activities, bimonthly teen parties and monthly family parties.
For the first month hardly anyone came. No matter. I still brought the jump ropes and the badminton set and the kickball and did activities with the kids for an hour or so. The rest of the time, I let them all play and I talked with the mothers. Then the mothers who were pretty successful homeschoolers and didn't need or want much interference in their set way of doing things started to come to "check it out", it was obvious. The general feeling was, "What is this lady trying to do, and since she keeps doing it every Friday, is she seriously sticking to it?".
I set up a web page (see my website at http://HomeschoolingFriends.ldfr.com) and told the mothers who did come to the activities to subscribe to my regular announcement news by visiting the web site and signing in. Weekly, I just write up a little announcement and I have a free email program that automatically emails my announcement to all those who have signed up. Last time I checked, there were 96 mothers who have signed up and are receiving my weekly news.†
Of course, 96 families don't all come at the very same time to our Friday activity, but a good 20 to 25 of those families come each week and we have a very satisfying group. We have all gotten to know each other and the children look so forward to the activities. Everyone's initial reluctance has been replaced with a good deal of camaraderie and enjoyment of being together. Even some of those who were just "checking it out" have become regular attendees.
I know you might be thinking, "But I don't possibly have 96 families in my area!" Well, I want you to know that we run our little bookstore in this community and I thought that I knew everyone who homeschools, and I really didn't expect more than 8 families to come to activities. But once you set something up and you are very regular with it, and don't lag, you will find that it gains momentum and you will be astonished at how many will come to your activities! Not only will the established homeschool families begin to come and love you for getting it going, but many who have been considering homeschooling will start to come and consider the possibility of really beginning homeschooling.
I was influenced to begin a support group because of the constant phone calls and emails I was getting from mothers in all areas of the United States, pleading for help. They wanted to homeschool, but that social lack for their children was driving them back to public school. One mother had left a few messages at our store and they were brought home to me by my husband. Her phone number was local, so when I set up that first activity, I called her and invited her. Oh, was she excited and relieved at some potential support! She was there everytime with her children. As back-to-school has approached, she came to me and told me that for the first time, doing homeschool has become a real possibility because her children have formed friends in this group and she and her husband are excited and involved in the parties and activities that we have planned. It has become that very essential social group that she needed to succeed in homeschooling.
One of the most satisfying rewards that I had not planned on in forming a group has come from the sister's notes and comments. Many have confided to me that this is the best thing that has happened to their homeschool. Their children love it! They have friends! The mothers love it! They have kindred spirit comrades that they can talk to and feel accepted by! The teenagers love it! It gives them that peer group that they so need! The young ones love it, and beg to bring home a friend every single week to play with.†
I want to tell you about Todd. The first time Todd's mother heard about our group, she came eagerly to our Friday activity and told me a sad story. She has raised eight children and Todd is one of her last at home. He is 15 years old, and he has been only homeschooled. For the last four years he has been homeschooled with no support group. This has been a very lonely endeavor for him and has basically made him want to go to public school in search of friends. His mother had promised him at the beginning of the summer that he could go to high school this year because he was so distraught with being alone and isolated.
The first day that Todd's mother came to our activity, Todd sat in the hot van while his mother socialized with us in the park. No amount of coaxing could get him to get out. My daughter Julianna and I went over to say hello and introduce ourselves and he was silent and sullen. Next Friday, same scene, only this time Julianna and I teased him a little through the car window and told him he was really missing out by staying in the car during the water fight that the teens were having! At our next activity, Todd got out of the car reluctantly but sat off by himself and wouldn't join in. We invited him to our teen parties, and slowly, for a little while only, he would make an appearance. To make a long story short, Todd is the first one to join in now and is fun and happy. He attends all the teen parties. He even won the "Fastest Water Balloon Launcher" award at our summer water party.
Todd knows lots of other homeschooled teenagers now. Seeing a repeat of history, I asked Todd at one Park Day to come with me. We went over to a parked van and motioned for the new teenage boy inside to roll down the window. And Todd and I started to talk to him. Before the activity was over, the boy was out of the car kicking a soccer ball around with Todd and a few other teenage boys. Todd is reason enough for me to do the work to keep our support group going.
Our Friday activity day is held either at a park or in the church gym during cold weather. Besides this regular activity, we have teen parties every few weeks. These are hosted by any family that has homeschooled teens. At first, I was the only one who would throw a party. Many homeschoolers aren't used to going to parties and felt nervous even having one. The teen group really has a life of its own, as teens are independent enough to drive and their parents are not always a member of our support group. Our parties are simple. We either meet at the park or in the home or backyard of one of the teens. There is parent supervision there. The teens all bring a game and a potluck treat or snack. It is easy on the parents and the teens all have a great time together. At 11 PM, if it is at my house, I go out on the back deck and sing, "The party's over, and it is time to go to bed . . ." and that is all the work I do, besides a little clean-up with my kids the next day. If I was ambitious enough, I could round up the teens and have them clean up before they leave.
Monthly, we have a big party or activity that involves the whole family. This month we are having a Back to School Potluck and Field Day for the whole family. Next month is our Homeschooler's Hoe-down Dance. If the activity is potluck, it is easy to do. All you need to do is announce the date and place, and ask for volunteers to run a few games. If you meet in a pavilion or building that costs, we ask each attending family to pay $3 or whatever is necessary to pay the building costs. People are eager to talk and be together. These activities are always very well attended. Dads get a chance to see what their wives have been talking about and get to know the other fathers in the group.
Another support activity that I have done for years, on a much smaller scale, is something we endearingly term "Girl's Club". When I had mostly boys at home, it was "Boy's Club". But now I have mostly girls left at home, so it is "Girl's Club". This works best when children are between the ages of 8 and 14 years. All you have to do is pick an afternoon of the week that works in your schedule and invite 6 or 7 other girls (or boys) that are matched to your child's age to your house from 3 to 5 PM weekly. Even 1 or 2 other children works out while you are finding homeschoolers. Other mothers are delighted for their children to have a regular organized lesson time with other homeschooled children! I let the children play for the first 30 minutes, and then I gather them around the dining room table and teach them some fun craft, art project, science experiment or cooking project. I just choose whatever I think they would enjoy doing that isn't too much preparation time. I have been doing Girl's Club or Boy's Club for years and year, even before the church began Achievement Days. When it was Boy's Club, we did boy type things such as knot tying, hiking adventures, and the like. I am not trying to pass off achievements or anything ambitious like that. My thinly veiled goal is to make the children into good friends so that they could have a nice group of homeschooled friends to go into teenage years with. Some of Julianna's best friends now were there in that original Girl's Club group that we held ten years ago.†
To begin with, I hold the meetings in my house, and do not ask any mothers to do anything. Most mothers are reluctant to have their children join if they think it will require a lot on their part. And I am really willing to do it all for my own child's sake. But what eventually has happened is something has come up (such as the birth of a new baby) and by then the other mothers are committed and their children are really enjoying it so much that they hate to stop until I recover, so a mother volunteers to take it for a month or two, and we share the load. That is wonderful, because then you get the diversified talents of the other mothers. Some mothers never can contribute, because they have several little ones and babies, or for other reasons, but I don't exclude them. One mother directed a play for our Girl's Club and that was so much fun and the girls really learned a lot about drama. Doing Girl's Club has really created a tight group of friends that love each other, and has made homeschooling for my children much, much happier!
These are just a few of the activities that I have used over the years to created that social connection for my children. It has been a very integral part of our homeschool and made the difference for my own children and many in the community. I always think about the scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants (D&C 64: 33). "Be not weary in well doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."
May the Lord bless you to be the one willing to step forth and do something to connect the LDS homeschoolers in your community!
--Diane Hopkins
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