|
||
Take Time for Self-RenewalEver feel like you are bumbling around amidst a three ring circus in your attempts to homeschool? There is nothing like a new baby to restore a teacher/mother's humility in the face of her own inadequacies! For our homeschool, this chaos repeats itself every few years with the advent of a new precious "student". I have homeschooled in my robe nursing my baby while I have tried to teach math, correct papers and read stories: "Mom, can't you hold the book still? I can't see the pictures"... "Sorry, honey, the baby needs to be rocked." Guilt inevitably settles in as I imagine the public school su As homeschoolers, we often struggle to keep our priorities straight. We know that the Bible has told us to put our family first, to help out in our church and community, to keep our marriages alive, etc. and yet there doesn't seem to be enough time to even do one job justice. I have felt the struggle continually, particularly since I began homeschooling my children. Often, as mothers, we tend to sacrifice our needs on the altar of the family's "wants". Many mothers live on a crisis management basis. I believe we must put ourselves at the top of the priority list, not militantly and selfishly pursuing our interests but humbly acknowledging that we can serve more fully if our own reserves are not bone dry. For years I fought this thought, feeling somehow more "good" if I never thought of myself but continually tended to others both in and out of my family. Now, I consciously try to place myself first, knowing that I can only give myself to the Lord if I first can possess my own self. I have found peace, relative control of my daily life and freedom from the harried sense of never having enough time to get to the important things. I have been greatly influenced by The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Mr. Covey advised us to make a list of all the roles we play daily and to put them in proper order beginning with our own self-renewal. To begin with, I listed my responsibility for my own self-renewal. That includes keeping myself spiritually in tune with the Lord and able to hear the promptings of the Spirit. Without keeping close in touch I am really not able to do His work in my daily duties. If I am of no use to the Lord, I am really of no use to anyone else here on earth. I love the scripture that describes a ship driven and tossed by the waves of the sea without anchor or direction. How much like that ship are we when we do not keep our spiritual sensitivity! We go from one crisis to another, unsure of what the Lord would really have us do at that moment. For example, today the baby is fussing (is he sick?) and the older children are anxious to have me take them on an outing that they have planned. Dad has felt neglected because his clothes are in need of mending and the stack has grown beyond bounds on my sewing machine with no progress. My own aging mother needs a phone call to know that I care how she is feeling today. My 6 year old desperately wants to read me a book, as she is polishing her reading skills. My church leader has asked that I go on a special visit to new mothers. Now, what do I do first? Shall I respond to outside pressures to make my decision? How could I turn down a call for help from the church? Or should I put my spouse's needs first? No matter how I consider each alternative, there seems to be reasons to justify each. Over and over, it has been proven to me that I cannot "lean upon my own understanding" but that by relying on the whisperings of the Spirit I can know what God wants me to do today. How does one qualify for this great treasure of knowledge to be bestowed upon his own mind? It must come first priority in every day. He wants us to put Him first and foremost. In a practical sense, that means that I must keep it constantly in my mind that as soon as a moment is unclaimed by absolute necessities (such as changing a diaper, feeding a baby, tending to a wound, etc.) I will read and study my Bible and I will kneel and ask that the Lord reveal to me what he would like me to do with my time today. I also outline what I have planned, to see if it "feels" right. I ask for ideas to flow into my mind on what He would use me for this day. By so doing, it seems that even if I am not able to get to the things that I have planned for the day, I never have a feeling of unfinished business because I have done that which the Lord deemed most important. I know it seems impossible to find the time but every woman can manage it if she thinks creatively. (For example, when I had a new baby, I prayed while my children watched her in the morning: she was happiest when she's just awakened and they were glad to put off starting the day's chores.) Work towards the goal of spiritually renewing yourself daily and even if you cannot accomplish it until dinner time, you will still feel a great sense of having done the most vital thing you could possibly do. My physical health and well being comes second in my priority list. I have learned by sad experience that when Mom is sick, the whole of family life tends to degenerate miserably. My husband's most forlorn cry is "Oh, I hope you don't get sick again!" Not every woman is plagued with poor health, but every woman does need to care for her body. What a glorious gift from a loving creator is this body of ours! I am not a beauty queen, by any means, but I am astounded at the miracle of function and loveliness in the body that God has generously given to women! Above all, the capability to bear children fills me with awe and love for my Creator! How often, when on my daily walk alone, I have felt overwhelming gratitude well up in me for that miracle of capacity to participate in life creation. Jesus Christ has bought us with a price and we will present our bodies before him at our judgment (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). How could we abuse them with poor food, lack of sleep, neglect of exercise or denial of the powers of creation of life for another? We can actually shorten our time on this earth by our neglect of our physical body. I take a daily brisk walk alone in the most lovely setting I can find, which happens to be across the street and down the lane to the river bottoms where many huge trees are filled with chirping birds and butterflies flit by. I can scan the entire horizon and see the ring of majestic mountains that encircles our valley. The sky is ever changing; cloudy and ominous one day, blue and bright the next. It is a scene of grandeur and the sight of it alone fills me with reverence. To feel my body flex and work feels joyous. It seems that these times alone not only renew and strengthen my body, but they feed my soul. When I reach my most distant point, and turn towards home, I often hold my thumb up and "cover" my now small house far off in the distance. See, it is so small, no problem there could trouble me much, I think! As soon as I get home, with sweat streaming down my face, I often sit down to quickly jot down all the insights, ideas, solutions to family problems, etc. that have entered into my mind as I walked. On Sundays, we often walk leisurely together as a family. Another way that I maintain my health is taking a short nap after lunch, when the baby naps and the other children have learned to read silently, write in their journals and do quiet work. I have learned by many frustrating experiences that unless the children are assigned to a place alone to stay and work, Mom can expect to get awakened. Children can learn from a very early age to have a "quiet time" when they outgrow a nap and will come to look forward to it as a time to listen to story tapes or read, or finish up their schoolwork. As a mother, when you feel good physically, it is so much easier to be patient, kind and feel close to the Lord. Mental well being is a priority that must also be nurtured. Every woman needs to think, read something stimulating, write in her journal, think through her homeschool and create a plan for her day before the day actually is acted out. It helps me feel in control, directed and alive mentally. I love to learn new things and reading is the most direct avenue I have found, far exceeding what I ever have learned in college, classes, lectures, etc. If you choose things that are stretching to the mind; you become interesting to talk to and excited about being alive. Homeschool mothers especially need to take care of their social and emotional needs. If you have young children, it can get lonely day after day. Service takes care of this need in such a dynamic way. As soon as I feel the least bit "needy" emotionally, I have found that a phone call, short visit or contact with someone else who may be in need blesses me with relief from my own lack and adds a measure of joy to my day. A heart-to-heart talk with my husband, if it happens, does wonders. I have found that mother needs to be the family social director. Although this just feels like one more thing to do, I always come away from my contact with other like-minded people feeling so enriched and grateful for friends. Of course, the children are thrilled with any contact with other children, especially homeschooled children. If there is nothing on the calendar to fill that social need, I plan an outing or invite a family over. Nothing feels more lonely, however, than being with people who have very different values and that you feel you must act guarded around. The priority list goes on: husband, children (each individually), home school teacher, extended family, church work, extra jobs (volunteer, etc.) and it is different for each woman, once the first things are put first. No one can serve from an empty platter. The whole family suffers when Mom is out of sorts, be it spiritually or physically exhausted, mentally or emotionally drained. By daily putting my priorities in order, and tending to my own self-renewal, I have felt filled and able to give much more to every other area of my life. |
